My name is Elizabeth. This is the first newsletter in a series called “Upon Reflection” or possibly “On A Positive Note”, I haven’t settled on a title yet. Titles are the sort of things that usually hang me up but tonight I’m just going to write.
I have a tattoo on my arm that says “Metamorphosis” and it’s one that I really loved until someone pointed out that it was weird to have a word that means “change” tattooed on your body permanently. So then I felt a little stupid and, I guess, stopped loving it for awhile. But, as it turns out, I was right all along because it also means “a complete change of form, structure, or substance, as transformation by magic or witchcraft”.
In early June of this year, a good friend was talking about a podcast episode that had completely changed her perspective on life. Living, I should say. The act of living, what it means to live, be alive. She shared that the episode touched on a few specific topics that hold personal significance to me and, in the moment, I made two mental notes.
One: that I must listen to that episode.
Two: that I must not listen to that episode until I have the ability to really absorb and process it.
Almost a month later, I listened to it while working in the garden. The kids had voluntarily and spontaneously laid down for naps and I found myself completely alone in the garden. Heaven. Glennon Doyle and Abby Wambach sit down with Andrea Gibson in “The Bravest Conversation We’ve Ever Had: Andrea Gibson”. If you don’t know them, Andrea Gibson is a revolutionary spoken word artist and the author of seven incredible books. Listening to Andrea speak so openly and with so much vulnerability about living, dying, loving, and finding peace in the most unlikely circumstances, I was inspired. The sun was bright and hot, the plants were so alive and so was I.
I watered them with my tears and laughed into their beds.
The last few years have brought with them quite a lot of change. It’s required more flexibility and forgiveness than I thought I had available. In the last few months, I have made enormous, voluntary changes that are already paying dividends. I have been doing the work, as they say; growing, healing, learning to love and take care of myself. The changes that I’m making now wouldn’t be possible without the changes forced upon me and that’s been difficult to reconcile. Which makes me think of a quote from Andrea Gibson in that their episode, “All of these things that were supposed to make my life worse, that were hurts and challenges, they made my life more rich.”
Nearly four years ago, while just shy of 6 months pregnant, I was diagnosed with cancer. Like an avalanche, my diagnosis set off a series of events that have changed the landscape of my family, my physical and mental health, and ultimately my dreams.
This newsletter (that I think I’ve decided to call “Upon Reflection”) is my gratitude journal. This is where I intend to share my growth, my celebrations, and to celebrate the things around me that I am grateful for. I have taken huge strides away from negativity and anger. I make a choice everyday to give my attention to the beauty around me and here is where I am documenting it.
Welcome.
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